Sunday, October 31, 2010

Bumper stickers

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  1. I love animals, they taste great.
  2. EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
  3. "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
  4. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
  5. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  6. who laughs last thinks slowest!
  7. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  8. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
  9. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
  10. Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
  11. Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
  12. Air Pollution is a mist-demeaner.
  13. Editing is a rewording activity.
  14. Make yourself at home .....clean my kitchen
  15. Allow me to introduce my selves
  16. Better living through denial
  17. I'm just working here until a good fast food job opens up....
  18. Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done
  19. Too many freaks not enough circuses
  20. Where there's a will...I want to be on it.
  21. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
  22. Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill it.
  23. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
  24. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  25. Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.
  26. Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.
  27. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
  28. Eschew obfuscation.
  29. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
  30. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
  31. So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
  32. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
  33. All men are idiots....I married their king.
  34. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
  35. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
  36. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
  37. Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
  38. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  39. If you are psychic - think "HONK"
  40. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
  41. You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
  42. Don't get me mad! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies!
  43. You are depriving some poor village of its idiot!
  44. Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
  45. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
  46. Grow your own dope, plant a man.
  47. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
  48. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
  49. My karma ran over your dogma.
  50. I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!
  51. A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
  52. I'm not driving fast-just flying low.
  53. Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.
  54. My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!
  55. Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
  56. "I is a college student."
  57. It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
  58. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
  59. Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
  60. Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
  61. Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.
  62. The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
  63. Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
  64. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  65. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
  66. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
  67. "Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all it's students!"
  68. "According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."
  69. "Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have."
  70. How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
  71. Seen on a woman's car: "Men call us birds, we pick up worms"
  72. Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear
  73. "Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
  74. "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
  75. "I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles."

Friday, October 29, 2010

Orhan Ölmez - Bana burak



Is Windows a Virus



No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a bug.

Living with the Wolf Man

Search Amazon.com for laptop

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks.

"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.

"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?"

At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.

Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."

Monkey Organization



An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.

Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

You Want A Basic Color Code?



Please note:
"Aqua" and "Cyan" produce the same color: 00FFFF
"Fuchsia" and "Magenta" produce the same color: FF00FF

Aliceblue
F0F8FF
Antiquewhite
FAEBD7
Aqua
00FFFF
Aquamarine
7FFFD4
Azure
F0FFFF
Beige
F5F5DC
Bisque
FFE4C4
Black
000000
Blanchedalmond
FFEBCD
Blue
0000FF
Blueviolet
8A2BE2
Brown
A52A2A
Burlywood
DEB887
Cadetblue
5F9EA0
Chartreuse
7FFF00
Chocolate
D2691E
Coral
FF7F50
Cornflowerblue
6495ED
Cornsilk
FFF8DC
Crimson
DC143C
Cyan
00FFFF
Darkblue
00008B
Darkcyan
008B8B
Darkgoldenrod
B8860B
Darkgray
A9A9A9
Darkgreen
006400
Darkkhaki
BDB76B
Darkmagenta
8B008B
Darkolivegreen
556B2F
Darkorange
FF8C00
Darkorchid
9932CC
Darkred
8B0000
Darksalmon
E9967A
Darkseagreen
8FBC8F
Darkslateblue
483D8B
Darkslategray
2F4F4F
Darkturquoise
00CED1
Darkviolet
9400D3
deeppink
FF1493
Deepskyblue
00BFFF
Dimgray
696969
Dodgerblue
1E90FF
Firebrick
B22222
Floralwhite
FFFAF0
Forestgreen
228B22
Fuchsia
FF00FF
Gainsboro
DCDCDC
Ghostwhite
F8F8FF
Gold
FFD700
Goldenrod
DAA520
Gray
808080
Green
008000
Greenyellow
ADFF2F
Honeydew
F0FFF0
Hotpink
FF69B4
Indianred
CD5C5C
Indigo
4B0082
Ivory
FFFFF0
Khaki
F0E68C
Lavender
E6E6FA
Lavenderblush
FFF0F5
Lawngreen
7CFC00
Lemonchiffon
FFFACD
Lightblue
ADD8E6
Lightcoral
F08080
Lightcyan
E0FFFF
Lightgoldenrodyellow
FAFAD2
Lightgreen
90EE90
Lightgrey
D3D3D3
Lightpink
FFB6C1
Lightsalmon
FFA07A
Lightseagreen
20B2AA
Lightskyblue
87CEFA
Lightslategray
778899
Lightsteelblue
B0C4DE
Lightyellow
FFFFE0
Lime
00FF00
Limegreen
32CD32
Linen
FAF0E6
Magenta
FF00FF
Maroon
800000
Mediumauqamarine
66CDAA
Mediumblue
0000CD
Mediumorchid
BA55D3
Mediumpurple
9370D8
Mediumseagreen
3CB371
Mediumslateblue
7B68EE
Mediumspringgreen
00FA9A
Mediumturquoise
48D1CC
Mediumvioletred
C71585
Midnightblue
191970
Mintcream
F5FFFA
Mistyrose
FFE4E1
Moccasin
FFE4B5
Navajowhite
FFDEAD
Navy
000080
Oldlace
FDF5E6
Olive
808000
Olivedrab
688E23
Orange
FFA500
Orangered
FF4500
Orchid
DA70D6
Palegoldenrod
EEE8AA
Palegreen
98FB98
Paleturquoise
AFEEEE
Palevioletred
D87093
Papayawhip
FFEFD5
Peachpuff
FFDAB9
Peru
CD853F
Pink
FFC0CB
Plum
DDA0DD
Powderblue
B0E0E6
Purple
800080
Red
FF0000
Rosybrown
BC8F8F
Royalblue
4169E1
Saddlebrown
8B4513
Salmon
FA8072
Sandybrown
F4A460
Seagreen
2E8B57
Seashell
FFF5EE
Sienna
A0522D
Silver
C0C0C0
Skyblue
87CEEB
Slateblue
6A5ACD
Slategray
708090
Snow
FFFAFA
Springgreen
00FF7F
Steelblue
4682B4
Tan
D2B48C
Teal
008080
Thistle
D8BFD8
Tomato
FF6347
Turquoise
40E0D0
Violet
EE82EE
Wheat
F5DEB3
White
FFFFFF
Whitesmoke
F5F5F5
Yellow
FFFF00
YellowGreen
9ACD32


Enjoy!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Shakira Parody - Funny!





Monday, October 25, 2010

Iraq War Logs - WikiLeaks

At 5pm EST Friday 22nd October 2010 WikiLeaks released the largest classified military leak in history. The 391,832 reports ('The Iraq War Logs'), document the war and occupation in Iraq, from 1st January 2004 to 31st December 2009 (except for the months of May 2004 and March 2009) as told by soldiers in the United States Army. Each is a 'SIGACT' or Significant Action in the war. They detail events as seen and heard by the US military troops on the ground in Iraq and are the first real glimpse into the secret history of the war that the United States government has been privy to throughout.

The reports detail 109,032 deaths in Iraq, comprised of 66,081 'civilians'; 23,984 'enemy' (those labeled as insurgents); 15,196 'host nation' (Iraqi government forces) and 3,771 'friendly' (coalition forces). The majority of the deaths (66,000, over 60%) of these are civilian deaths.That is 31 civilians dying every day during the six year period. For comparison, the 'Afghan War Diaries', previously released by WikiLeaks, covering the same period, detail the deaths of some 20,000 people. Iraq during the same period, was five times as lethal with equivallent population size.





Thursday, October 21, 2010

My wife doesn't like me to stay out during late night

A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in.
After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says, "Oh well, I better get home.My wife doesn't like me to stay out during late night."
The first guy replies, "I'll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning."
The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try.
When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face.
As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet.
Seeing her he screamed, "What the hell are you doing in here?!"
"Quiet!", she exclaimed. "You'll wake my mother."

Home Depot

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around at Home Depot when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little worried."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours.

Yo Momma Jokes

Your mom's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.

Your mom's so fat, when she dances the band skips.

Your mom's so fat, I have to take a bus a train and a cab just to get on her good side.

Your mother's so fat, her clothes have stretch marks.

Your mother's so fat, she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.

Your mother's so fat, you could slap her butt and ride the waves.

Your mother's so fat, she needs a hula hoop to keep her socks up.

Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Your mother's so fat, when they used her underwear for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, "OK"!

Your mom's so fat, when she lays on the beach, people run around yelling, "Free Willie!"

Your mom's so big, she plays marbles with planets.

Your mom's so fat, her belt size is the equator.

Your mom's so fat, she has to buy two airplane tickets.

Your mom's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party.

Your mom's so fat she uses a satellite dish as a diaphragm.

Your mom's so fat when she took her dress to the cleaners they told her, "Sorry, we don't do curtains."

Your mom's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks.

Your mom's so fat, she sat on four quarters and made a dollar.

Your mom's so big, when the family wants to watch home movies they ask her to wear white.

Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Sea World.

Your mothers so fat, people jog around her for exercise.

Your mothers so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Your mothers so fat, she's on a light diet...as soon as it gets light out she starts eating.

Your mothers so big that she sat on a rainbow and got Skittles.

Your mothers so fat that when she wore an "X" jacket a helicopter tried to land on her back.

Your mothers head is so big, it shows up on radar.

Your mothers so fat, when she went to the beach, she was the only one that got a tan.

Your mothers so fat your bath tub has stretch marks.

Your mothers so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."

Your mothers so fat, she got a run in her jeans.

Your mothers so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.

Your mothers so fat, she sells shade in the summer.

Your mothers so fat, she left the house with high-heels and came back with flip-flops.

Your mothers so fat, when I got on top of her my ears popped.

Your mothers so fat, she influences the tides.

Your mothers so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.

Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Marine World.

Your mothers so fat, she has her own area code.

Your mothers so fat, they got her face on the Crisco can.

Your mothers so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said "Sorry, we don't do live stock."

Yo mama so fat, were in her right now.

Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo mama so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"

Yo mama so fat, every time someone say "Kool Aid" she bust through the wall.

Yo mama so fat, her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky!

Yo mama so fat, you have to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot to fuck her

Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

Yo mama so fat, she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

Yo mama so nasty, I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

Yo mama so ugly, she went into an hunted house and came out with an application

Yo mama so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Yo mama so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo mama so ugly, that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Yo mama so ugly, when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours... for a quote!

Yo mama so fat, her nickname is "DAMN"

Yo mama so fat, that she needs a sock for each toe

Yo mama so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so slutty, she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!

Yo mama so slutty, she could suck a golf ball through six feet of garden hose

Yo mama so poor, her face is on the front of a food stamp.

Yo mama's like a refrigerator, everyone sticks their meat in her.

Yo momma is like a bowling ball she gets three fingers, thrown in the gutter, and comes back for more.

Taxi Driver's First Day on the Job

During a ride in a taxicab, the rider touched the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

Upon the touch, the cab driver flinched, screamed, then went into a panic and almost wrecked the cab. Finally the driver got control and pulled to side of road.

Still shaking, he turned to his rider and apologized. He said, "Sorry about that. This is my first day as a cab driver. For the past 20 years I have driven a hearse".